What Are You Waiting For? by Namara Epp
Ever wish you could go back in time and undo your mistakes? In the mist of all that’s happened I sure would like to. Imagine this, your best friend commits suicide, your supposedly one and only love breaks up with you over email and lastly your widower dad is about to be engaged. My life wasn’t always this complicated. Before everything happened; I had family watching over me, a true love, and real friends. Now all that’s left of me is what I pretend to be. I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do next. I get pushed, shoved, teased, and I haven’t done anything wrong! I don’t understand, I have done nothing to them. In order for me to tell you my story I have to tell you theirs.
Ringing bells singled classes to a close. “So are we still on for bowling Saturday”? Laura said with her distinctively cheerful voice, “of course, I just have to do something with Matty before, is that okay”? Laura gave me the most intensive look. Laura never liked Matty, she has this belief that if you date in high school, you’re doomed to be a hopeless romantic for the rest of your life. Crazy right? “Well don’t be late, later” Laura said then leisurely walked away, to what looked like her locker. It was a very bright, lazy, empty Friday afternoon, a cloud swam across the blue sky. I managed to scramble for my car keys, and as I suspected, there was Matty coming straight out of the front doors of the school, towards me, “do you need a ride home” I asked. Matty didn’t even hesitate “of course, every minute I get to spend with you is heaven”. Matty was always taking words and phrases from romantic books and movies. I never mind, it’s his adorable way of trying to sound like an impressive boyfriend, don’t get me wrong he is in every way possible , I just love how much he tries. On the drive things were quiet, I then decided to ask Matty “actually would you instead of going home right away, want to go for something to eat, then have a study date at my place”? Matty looked like he suspected I was going to say something to that effect as I always try to find more and more ways to see him as often as I can. “Sure, sounds great” he said very intensively. I knew after we were done eating and went home to study that there wasn’t going to be much studying getting done, we had over a twenty minute make out session, then decided eventually we should get something done. Last time I had a chance to look at the clock it was only five thirty, and now it was almost eleven. Matty had the same thought as I did, so he got up grabbed his books and said “Had an awesome time babe, see you tomorrow”, as he was just about to walk out the door he turned back held on to my waist and kissed me, “I love you, can’t wait to see you tomorrow, bye Anna”. I was in a complete daze I hadn’t expected that at all, I just wanted to be in that moment again and again, we were going to be together forever I just knew it, nothing was going to ruin us, or so I thought.
As the clock was unwinding to its every ticking tune I glazed over at it for only a second then jumped out of bed and discovered I was going to be late for the last day of school for the week. I hardly got any sleep last night, all I kept thinking about was those words Matty had said to me “I love you”, I never thought we would ever get to that point, I mean love? What is love? I phoned Laura this morning to tell her all about what had happened the previous night, and that’s when I had asked the same question, I couldn’t understand how Matty could love me so early on in our relationship then Laura had said “Love is when one person knows all of your secrets. Your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows. And yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does.” Unfortunately I haven’t given him any of my personal secrets, but looking back, Matty had given some to me. He told me about how his mom was an alcoholic, and once when he was about five or six around that time, she came to his school drunk and wanted to talk his teacher about god knows what, and after that he got called out of class, everyone laughed and teased him and later had to be put into a foster family a few weeks later, and that is where he has been living ever since. I’ve never told anybody as much as my middle name. Having things locked away in the back of my mind, keeps me sane, and lets me go on with my life without the worry of judgement from other people. Nevertheless, I think I do love Matty, he may not know every detail about me but that’s what makes our relationship grow stronger, every now and then I’ll let him see a little more of me than anyone else, that way it lets there be room for the element of surprise.
When I got to school, you could clearly see it was Friday, everyone was in a greater mood then they had been in the entire week. I know I sure was, and why shouldn’t I be? My boyfriend loves me, the weekend is only a couple hours away, in the middle of a great thought *buzz* my phone. A worry struck me, it was my dad, what could he be calling me about at eight thirty in the morning before school, I slid my finger over the talk key and held my breath, “Hey” I said trying to sound as unconcerned as I could be “Anna” my father said, “great news, I got a call earlier this morning but you had already left for school before I could tell you”, “what is it” I said, then my dad continued “that job I applied for months ago, they want me to start on Monday”, A smile crept over me, I tried to hide my excitement the best I could, it was going to be my dad’s first stable job ever since my mom past away over two years ago. “That’s great dad, I’m happy for you”, I said with the most charismatic voice I could give, then my father replied “have a great day Anna, we’ll go out for dinner to celebrate tonight”, okay well I have to get to class, love you dad”, my dad concluded “love you to, bye”. I hung up my phone and walked straight into biology class, luckily I wasn’t late. Mr. Dexter my biology teacher is very uptight about students who arrive late to class, he makes a point out of it every day. The students who do come late receive a lecture, complete embarrassment and an extra essay on what they learned about being late and what they will do in the future. Of course I have never had to experience these things, but today came pretty close to that happening. As I went to go sit I discovered Laura looking very intently at a paper, I whispered over “What is that”? And she responded “Oh nothing.” It was more of a nervous response than anything else but I assumed if it’s important enough she couldn’t tell me then I better leave it alone. Laura broke out of her weird state and said “So how did studying go last night”? Um good, I said as my mind brought back the memory again of Matty’s kiss, and him saying he loved me. Well actually Matty came over and we studied together. A confused look swept across Laura’s face “when I asked if you wanted to study together you said you wanted to do it alone, but now I see you just ditched me for your boyfriend, some friend you are.”, No Laura, I didn’t mean to… “Save it” she said then moved to a different desk across the room. So no bowling tomorrow? Laura looked like she was trying to come up with a witty remark to say back “No! You will probably find something better to do with Matty.” I’m really sorry, I muttered.